maybe this is it. not that i wanted to die on my 60 years, but i think i am having one big-confusion-of-a-day today. i woke up today decided to do my usual errands on a Wednesday. but lately, it feels like i'm tired of doing my usual workloads, it feels like a routine. it feels like an obligation to sleep-wake up-work-come home-do this and do that-things.. i am kinda confused lately.
i open my facebook account and yet i don't find any interesting activity to click, in fact, nothing interests me lately. except the sweet things, the shoppings, make-over and all the things that will put my time into trash and put my money into waste. i am bored. i wanted something new, i wanted something to catch my interest, i want some challenge in my career.
i'm not thinking about settling down or having a baby, i think i'm inclined on thinking how to prepare myself eventually into things, my future. and as i write this down, i seriously don't have any idea what's happening to me.
i am really BORED. :( as bored as this blog.
i wish someone can help to pull me out of this mess.
i miss the things that i used to love.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
LuckList of the Year 2011
So here's my list of the year.. the things that i really really think that i need to accomplish before another 363 days pass me by.1. Do not worry about my future. I know this is psychological one, but i noticed this has been keeping me from doing things. Instead, i have to be excited about my future so i can start doing things for good. :)
2. Health Matters. I have to find an OB-gyne to have my check-up and know if i need to take pills by this time. Next, i have to see a doctor for a possible thyroid problem. While doing that, i have to commit with my regular exercise and that is also one of my resolution, to eat less.
3. Finish my thesis this year. I have to commit that i SHOULD start doing it since no one else will do it for me. A good way to exercise concentration and a good distraction too. Haha!
4. Career wise. Try to expand and think maturely in terms of business and productivity. As of today I am working as and architect, site planner, landscape designer and educator. I can handle being an architect since i have it on my own. The site planning and landscape designing is inclined to project coordinator and management. Obviously, being an educator is not an easy task since it eats most of my time. So i guess, time management is the best way to resolve this.
For now, these are the things in my mind. Not a bad number and that wouldn't put too much pressure on me. One item in a quarter is very much possible and i am pretty sure there's more to come in each item. With all the positivity and in God's grace.. i know i can reach it.
down
i am a night person. i love silence maybe because i am loud and me being loud may be because i have so much to cry for and i don't want to think about them. i don't want to wallow on things that will put me down. but tonight i feel the emptiness when he said goodnight. i still want him to keep me company but i can't ask him to do it for me. i have been feeling this emptiness for the past few days because i know i am looking for something that is not easy to have. i beginning to hate holidays because i don't want to miss anyone special in my life and longing for them is sad. i don't wanna be sad.
all i have prayed for and wanted every hour of my day is to be happy so i can share that happiness to others. its not easy to pretend in the real world. i pray that tonight, God will bless me with faith, courage and wisdom to surpass this test.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
on the 1st day of January
Today is the 1st day of January 2011 and the firecrackers stopped. I am at the midst of its silence and all i can hear is my eyes saying i'd like to rest but my mind won't let me. She knows there's something today that i need to say before we welcome the new day.
For the past 2010, a lot has changed and much things happened. In the span of 6 months big changes was made. Love was lost and found and lost and found again. I realized, life is like a cycle, a tire that keeps on turning and in rough roads, it slows down to adjust. I, was not able to slow down and just like a tire, its bruised until it tores apart. I am bruised, but i need to pass thru that road again so i can reach the place where i came from. I don't have a good road to take, but i know after this, I will see a highway. I will have a smooth sailing ride. For now, while i take the rough road, i know someone above will always be guiding me to take control of my wheel.
I have learned how to trust and i lost it once. Now, i have to gain back my faith to all the positive energies in the world. So here i come, 2011, i will my way out here as well in the next 12 months. lets take it easy.
For the past 2010, a lot has changed and much things happened. In the span of 6 months big changes was made. Love was lost and found and lost and found again. I realized, life is like a cycle, a tire that keeps on turning and in rough roads, it slows down to adjust. I, was not able to slow down and just like a tire, its bruised until it tores apart. I am bruised, but i need to pass thru that road again so i can reach the place where i came from. I don't have a good road to take, but i know after this, I will see a highway. I will have a smooth sailing ride. For now, while i take the rough road, i know someone above will always be guiding me to take control of my wheel.
I have learned how to trust and i lost it once. Now, i have to gain back my faith to all the positive energies in the world. So here i come, 2011, i will my way out here as well in the next 12 months. lets take it easy.
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