anyone can hold a grudge,but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden. FORGIVENESS doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life... IT just means you have made peace with the pain and you're ready to let it go.
I am missing him so much! That has been the feeling since he left to work. He needed to, that's the nature of his career. I stopped looking at his photos and his profile because i am longing for his presence more and more. I knew even before that we will be coming to this point, where i will be looking for attention and long for his touch and his presence but i never thought it would be this hard and helpless. We still have more months, weeks and days to keep this feeling and i don't know how much longer can i hold.
Frankly, this feeling is not a good one for me. I tend to pretend that i am strong and that i can take all this inside me until this burst out into numbness. At the moment, that is what i am afraid of... that i may get tired of waiting. I hope not. Earlier in the Blessed Sacrament, I was praying intently for our petitions until i felt the guilt somehow for the people he will leave behind for me. i know i am not part of the brokenness but at at the back of my mind, i was wondering on the possibility of things that could happen if they tried to pray harder for this. I felt selfish. There was persistence in my part once that thought triggered into my mind. I know for sure, i don't wanna lose him. I don't want him back there. I want him to stand up for me and step forward with me, holding my hand firmly and taking me to our plans. I want him that much. And so i prayed again and begged to God that He may let us live to what we believe he prepared for us.
In this times of doubts, i miss you badly.
